I
I’m over
forty, Frances, and rather set in my ways,’ I said good-naturedly,
ready to yield if she insisted that our going together on the visit
involved her happiness. ‘My work is rather heavy just now too, as you
know. The question is, could I
work there—with a lot of unassorted people in the house?’
‘Mabel doesn’t mention any other people, Bill,’ was my
sister’s rejoinder. ‘I gather she’s alone—as well as lonely.’
By the way she looked sideways out of the window at nothing, it
was obvious she was disappointed, but to my surprise she did not urge
the point; and as I glanced at Mrs. Franklyn’s invitation lying upon
her sloping lap, the neat, childish handwriting conjured up a mental
picture of the banker’s widow, with her timid, insignificant
personality, her pale grey eyes and her expression as of a backward
child. I thought, too, of the roomy country mansion her late husband had
altered to suit his particular needs, and of my visit to it a few years
ago when its barren spaciousness suggested a wing of Kensington Museum
fitted up temporarily as a place to eat and sleep in. Comparing it
mentally with the poky Chelsea flat where I and my sister kept
impecunious house, I realised other points as well. Unworthy details
flashed across me to entice: the fine library, the organ, the quiet
work-room I should have, perfect service, the delicious cup of early
tea, and hot baths at any moment of the day—without a geyser!
‘It’s a longish visit, a month—isn’t it?’ I hedged,
smiling at the details that seduced me, and ashamed of my man’s
selfishness, yet knowing that Frances expected it of me. ‘There are
points about it, I admit. If you’re set on my going with you, I
could manage it all right.’
I spoke at length in this way because my sister made no answer. I
saw her tired eyes gazing into the dreariness of Oakley Street and felt
a pang strike through me. After a pause, in which again she said no
word, I added: ‘So, when you write the letter, you might hint,
perhaps, that I usually work all the morning, and—er—am not a very
lively visitor! Then she’ll understand, you see.’ And I half-rose to
return to my diminutive study, where I was slaving, just then, at an
absorbing article on Comparative Aesthetic Values in the Blind and
Deaf.
But Frances did not move. She kept her grey eyes upon Oakley
Street where the evening mist from the river drew mournful perspectives
into view. It was late October. We heard the omnibuses thundering across
the bridge. The monotony of that broad, characterless street seemed
more than usually depressing. Even in June sunshine it was dead, but
with autumn its melancholy soaked into every house between King’s Road
and the Embankment. It washed thought into the past, instead of inviting
it hopefully towards the future. For me, its easy width was an avenue
through which nameless slums across the river sent creeping messages of
depression, and I always regarded it as Winter’s main entrance into
London—fog, slush, gloom trooped down it every November, waving their
forbidding banners till March came to rout them. Its one claim upon my
love was that the south wind swept sometimes unobstructed up it, soft
with suggestions of the sea. These lugubrious thoughts I naturally kept
to myself, though I never ceased to regret the little flat whose
cheapness had seduced us. Now, as I watched my sister’s impassive
face, I realised that perhaps she, too, felt as I felt, yet, brave
woman, without betraying it.
‘And, look here, Fanny,’ I said, putting a hand upon her
shoulder as I crossed the room, ‘it would be the very thing for you.
You’re worn out with catering and housekeeping. Mabel is your oldest
friend, besides, and you’ve hardly seen her since he died—’
‘She’s been abroad for a year, Bill, and only just came
back,’ my sister interposed. ‘She came back rather unexpectedly,
though I never thought she would go there
to live—’ She stopped abruptly. Clearly, she was only speaking
half her mind. ‘Probably,’ she went on, ‘Mabel wants to pick up
old links again.’
‘Naturally,’ I put in, ‘yourself chief among them.’ The
veiled reference to the house I let pass. It involved discussing the
dead man for one thing.
‘I feel I ought to go
anyhow,’ she resumed, ‘and of course it would be jollier if you came
too. You’d get in such a muddle here by yourself, and eat wrong
things, and forget to air the rooms, and—oh, everything!’ She looked
up laughing. ‘Only,’ she added, ‘there’s the British
Museum—?’
‘But there’s a big library there’, I answered, ‘and all
the hooks of reference I could possibly want. It was of you I was
thinking. You could take up your painting again; you always sell half of
what you paint. It would be a splendid rest too, and Sussex is a jolly
country to walk in. By all means, Fanny, I advise—’
Our eyes met, as I stammered in my attempts to avoid expressing
the thought that hid in both our minds. My sister had a weakness for
dabbling in the various ‘new’ theories of the day, and Mabel, who
before her marriage had belonged to foolish societies for investigating
the future life to the neglect of the present one, had fostered this
undersirable tendency. Her amiable, impressionable temperament was open
to every psychic wind that blew. I deplored, detested the whole
business. But even more than this I abhorred the later influence that
Mr. Franklyn had steeped his wife in, capturing her body and soul in his
sombre doctrines. I had dreaded lest my sister also might be caught.
‘Now that she is alone again—’
I stopped short. Our eyes now made pretence impossible, for the
truth had slipped out inevitably, stupidly, although unexpressed in
definite language. We laughed, turning our faces a moment to look at
other things in the room. Frances picked up a book and examined its
cover as though she had made an important discovery, while I took my
case out and lit a cigarette I did not want to smoke. We left the matter
there. I went out of the room before further explanation could cause
tension. Disagreements grow into discord from such tiny things—wrong
adjectives, or a chance inflection of the voice. Frances had a right to
her views of life as much as I had. At least, I reflected comfortably,
we had separated upon an agreement this time, recognised mutually,
though not actually stated.
And this point of meeting was, oddly enough, our way of regarding
some one who was dead. For we had both disliked the husband with a great
dislike, and during his three years’ married life had only been to the
house once—for a weekend visit; arriving late on Saturday, we had
left after an early breakfast on Monday morning. Ascribing my sister’s
dislike to a natural jealousy at losing her old friend, I said merely
that he displeased me. Yet we both knew that the real emotion lay much
deeper. Frances, loyal, honourable creature, had kept silence; and
beyond saying that house and grounds—he altered one and laid out the
other—distressed her as an expression of his personality somehow
(“distressed” was the word she used), no further explanation had
passed her lips.
Our dislike of his personality was easily accounted for—up to a
point, since both of us shared the artist’s point of view that a
creed, cut to measure and carefully dried, was an ugly thing, and that a
dogma to which believers must subscribe or perish everlastingly was a
barbarism resting upon cruelty. But while my own dislike was purely due
to an abstract worship of Beauty, my sister’s had another twist in it,
for with her ‘new’ tendencies, she believed that all religions were
an aspect of truth and that no one, even the lowest wretch, could escape
‘heaven’ in the long run.
Samuel Franklyn, the rich banker, was a man universally respected
and admired, and the marriage, though Mabel was fifteen years his
junior, won general applause; his bride was an heiress in her own
right—breweries—and the story of her conversion at a revivalist
meeting where Samuel Franklyn had spoken fervidly of heaven, and
terrifyingly of sin, hell and damnation, even contained a touch of
genuine romance. She was a brand snatched from the burning; his detailed
eloquence had frightened her into heaven; salvation came in the nick
of time; his words had plucked her from the edge of that lake of fire
and brimstone where their worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.
She regarded him as a hero, sighed her relief upon his saintly shoulder,
and accepted the peace he offered her with a grateful resignation.
For her husband was a ‘religious man’ who successfully
combined great riches with the glamour of winning souls. He was a portly
figure, though tall, with masterful, big hands, he fingers rather thick
and red; and his dignity, that just escaped being pompous, held in it
something that was implacable. A convinced assurance, almost
remorseless, gleamed in his eyes when he preached especially, and his
threats of hell fire must have scared souls stronger than the timid,
receptive Mabel whom he married. He clad himself in long frock-coats hat
buttoned unevenly, big square boots, and trousers that invariably bagged
at the knee and were a little short; he wore low collars, spats
occasionally, and a tall black hat that was not of silk. His voice was
alternately hard and unctuous; and he regarded theatres, ball-rooms and
race-courses as the vestibule of that brimstone lake of whose
geography he was as positive as of his great banking offices in the
City. A philanthropist up to the hilt, however, no one ever doubted
his complete sincerity; his convictions were ingrained, his faith borne
out by his life—as witness his name upon so many admirable Societes,
as treasurer, patron, or heading the donation list. He bulked large in
the world of doing good, a broad and stately stone in the rampart
against evil. And his heart was genuinely king and soft for others—who
believed as he did.
Yet, in spite of this true sympathy with suffering and his desire
to help, he was narrow as a telegraph wire and unbending as a church
pillar; he was intensely selfish; intolerant as an officer of the
Inquisition, his bourgeois soul constructed a revolting scheme of heaven
that was reproduced in miniature in all he did and planned. Faith was
the sine qua non of salvation,
and by ‘faith’ he meant belief in his own particular view of
things—‘which faith, except every one do keep whole and undefiled,
without doubt he shall perish everlastingly.’ All the world but his
own small, exclusive sect must be damned eternally—a pity, but alas,
inevitable. He was right.
Yet he prayed without ceasing, and gave heavily to the poor—the
only thing he could not give being big ideas to his provincial and
suburban deity. Pettier than an insect, and more obstinate than a mule,
he had also the superior, sleek humility of a ‘chosen one’. He was
churchwarden too. He read the Lesson in a ‘place of worship’, either
chilly or overheated, where neither organ, vestments, nor lighted
candles were permitted, but where the odour of hair-wash on the boys’
heads in the back rows pervaded the entire building.
This portrait of the banker, who accumulated riches both on earth
and in heaven, may possibly be overdrawn, however, because Frances and I
were ‘artistic temperaments’ that viewed the type with a dislike and
distrust amounting to contempt. The majority considered Samuel Franklyn
a worthy man and a good citizen. The majority, doubtless, held the saner
view. A few years more, and he certainly would have been made a baronet.
He relieved much suffering in the world, as assuredly as he caused many
souls the agonies of torturing fear by his emphasis upon damnation. Had
there been one point of beauty in him, we might have been more lenient;
only we found it not, and, I admit, took little pains to search. I shall
never forget the look of dour forgiveness with which he heard our
excuses for missing Morning Prayers that Sunday morning of our single
visit to The Towers. My sister learned that a change was made soon
afterwards, prayers being ‘conducted’ after breakfast instead of
before.
The Towers stood solemnly upon a Sussex hill amid park-like
modern grounds, but the house cannot better be described—it would be
so wearisome for one thing—than by saying that it was a cross between
an overgrown, pretentious Norwood villa and one of those saturnine
Institutes for cripples the train passes as it slinks ashamed through
South London into Surrey. It was ‘wealthily’ furnished and at first
sight imposing, but on closer acquaintance revealed a meagre
personality, barren and austere. One looked for Rules and Regulations on
the walls, all signed By Order. The place was a prison that shut out
‘the world.’ There was, of course, no billiard-room, no
smoking-room, no room for play of any kind, and the great hail at the
back, once a chapel, which might have been used for dancing,
theatricals, or other innocent amusements, was consecrated in his day to
meetings of various kinds, chiefly brigades, temperance or missionary
societies. There was a harmonium at one end—on the level floor—a
raised dais or platform at the other, and a gallery above for the
servants, gardeners and coachmen. It was heated with hot-water pipes,
and hung with Doré’s pictures, though these latter were soon removed
and stored out of sight in the attics as being too unspiritual. In
polished, shiny wood, it was a representation in miniature of that poky
exclusive Heaven he took about with him, externalising it in all he did
and planned, even in the grounds about the house.
Changes in The Towers, Frances told me, had been made during
Mabel’s year of widowhood abroad—an organ put into the big hall, the
library made liveable and recatalogued— when it was permissible to
suppose she had found her soul again and returned to her normal, healthy
views of life, which included enjoyment and play, literature, music and
the arts, without, however, a touch of that trivial thoughtlessness
usually termed worldliness. Mrs. Franklyn, as I remembered her, was a
quiet little woman, shallow, perhaps, and easily influenced, but sincere
as a dog and thorough in her faithful Friendship. Her tastes at heart
were catholic, and that heart was simple and unimaginative. That she
took up with the various movements of the day was sign merely that she
was searching in her limited way for a belief that should bring her
peace. She was, in fact, a very ordinary woman, her calibre a little
less than that of Frances. I knew they used to discuss all kinds of
theories together, but as these discussions never resulted in action, I
had come to regard her as harmless. Still, I was not sorry when she
married, and I did not welcome now a renewal of the former intimacy. The
philanthropist she had given no children, or she would have made a good
and sensible mother. No doubt she would marry again.
‘Mabel mentions that she’s been alone at The Towers since the
end of August,’ Frances told me at tea-time; ‘and I’m sure she
feels out of it and lonely. It would be a kindness to go. Besides, I
always liked her.’
I agreed. I had recovered from my attack of selfishness. I
expressed my pleasure.
‘You’ve written to accept,’ I said, half statement and half
question.
Frances nodded. ‘I thanked for you,’ she added quietly,
‘explaining that you were not free at the moment, but that later, if
not inconvenient, you might come down for a bit and join me.’
I stared. Frances sometimes had this independent way of deciding
things. I was convicted, and punished into the bargain.
Of course there followed argument and explanation, as between
brother and sister who were affectionate, but the recording of our talk
could be of little interest. It was arranged thus, Frances and I both
satisfied. Two days later she departed for The Towers, leaving me alone
in the flat with everything planned for my comfort and good
behaviour—she was rather a tyrant in her quiet way—and her last
words as I saw her off from Charing Cross rang in my head for a long
time after she was gone:
‘I’ll write and let you know, Bill. Eat properly, mind, and
let me know if anything goes wrong.’
She waved her small gloved hand, nodded her head till the feather
brushed the window, and was gone.
II
After the note announcing her safe arrival a week of silence
passed, and then a letter came; there were various suggestions for my
welfare, and the rest was the usual rambling information and description
Frances loved, generously italicised.
‘... and we are quite alone,’ she went on in her enormous
handwriting that seemed such a waste of space and labour, ‘though some
others are coming presently, I believe. You could work here to your
heart’s content. Mabel quite understands,
and says she would love to have you when you feel free to come. She has
changed a bit—back to her old natural self: she never mentions him. The place has changed too in certain ways: it has more
cheerfulness, I think. She has
put it in, this cheerfulness, spaded it in, if you know what I mean; but
it lies about uneasily and is not natural—quite. The organ is a
beauty. She must be very rich now, but she’s as gentle and sweet as
ever. Do you know, Bill, I think he must have
frightened her into marrying him. I get the impression she was
afraid of him.’ This last sentence was inked out, I but I read it
through the scratching; the letters being too big to hide. ‘He had an
inflexible will beneath all that oily kindness which passed for
spiritual. He was a real personality, I mean. I’m sure he’d have
sent you and me cheerfully to the stake in another century—for our
own good. Isn’t it odd she never speaks of him, even to me?’
This, again, was stroked through, though without the intention to
obliterate— merely because it was repetition, probably. ‘The only
reminder of him in the house now is a big copy of the presentation
portrait that stands on the stairs of the Multitechnic Institute at
Peckham—you know—that life-size one with his fat hand sprinkled with
rings resting on a thick Bible and the other slipped between the buttons
of a tight frock-coat. It hangs in the dining-room and rather dominates
our meals. I wish Mabel would take it down. I think she’d like to, if
she dared. There’s not a
single photograph of him anywhere, even in her own room. Mrs. Marsh is
here—you remember her, his housekeeper,
the wife of the man who got penal servitude for killing a baby or
something—you said she robbed him and justified her stealing because
the story of the unjust steward was in the Bible! How we laughed over
that! She’s just the same
too, gliding about all over the house and turning up when least
expected.’
Other reminiscences filled the next two sides of the letter, and
ran, without a trace of punctuation, into instructions about a
Salamander stove for heating my work-room in the flat; these were
followed by things I was to tell the cook, and by requests for several
articles she had forgotten and would like sent after her, two of them
blouses, with descriptions so lengthy and contradictory that I sighed as
I read them—‘unless you come down soon, in which case perhaps you
wouldn’t mind bringing them; not
the mauve one I wear in the evening sometimes, but the pale blue
one with lace round the collar and the crinkly front. They’re in the
cupboard—or the drawer, I’m not sure which—of my bedroom. Ask
Annie if you’re in doubt. Thanks most awfully.
Send a telegram, remember, and we’ll meet you in the motor any
time. I don’t quite know if I shall stay the whole month—alone. It all depends....’ And she closed the letter, the
italicised words increasing recklessly towards the end, with a
repetition that Mabel would love to have me ‘for myself,’ as also to
have a ‘man in the house’, and that I only had to telegraph the day
and the train.... This letter, coming by the second post, interrupted me
in a moment of absorbing work, and, having read it through to make sure
there was nothing requiring instant attention, I threw it aside and went
on with my notes and reading. Within five minutes, however, it was back
at me again. That restless thing called ‘between the lines’
fluttered about my mind. My interest in the Balkan States—political
article that had been ‘ordered’—faded. Somewhere, somehow I felt
disquieted, disturbed. At first I persisted in my work, forcing myself
to concentrate, but soon found that a layer of new impressions floated
between the article and my attention. It was like a shadow, though a
shadow that dissolved upon inspection. Once or twice I glanced up,
expecting to find some one in the room, that the door had opened
unobserved and Annie was waiting for instructions. I heard the ‘buses
thundering across the bridge. I was aware of Oakley Street. Montenegro
and the blue Adriatic melted into the October haze along that depressing
Embankment that aped a river bank, and sentences from the letter flashed
before my eyes and stung me. Picking it up and reading it through more
carefully, I rang the bell and told Annie to find the blouses and pack
them for the post, showing her finally the written description, and
resenting the superior smile with which she at once interrupted. ‘I
know them, sir,’ and disappeared.
But it was not the blouses: it was that exasperating thing
‘between the lines’ that put an end to my work with its elusive
teasing nuisance. The first sharp impression is alone of value in such a
case, for once analysis begins the imagination constructs all kinds of
false interpretation. The more I thought, the more I grew fuddled. The
letter, it seemed to me, wanted to say another thing; instead the eight
sheets conveyed it merely. It
came to the edge of disclosure, then halted. There was something on the
writer’s mind, and I felt uneasy. Studying the sentences brought,
however, no revelation, but increased confusion only; for while the
uneasiness remained, the first clear hint had vanished. In the end I
closed my books and went out to look up another matter at the British
Museum library. Perhaps I should discover it that way—by turning the
mind in a totally new direction. I lunched at the Express Dairy in
Oxford Street close by, and telephoned to Annie that I would be home to
tea at five.
And at tea, tired physically and mentally after breathing the
exhausted air of the Rotunda for five hours, my mind suddenly delivered
up its original impression, vivid and clear-cut; no proof accompanied
the revelation; it was mere presentiment, but convincing. Frances was
disturbed in her mind, her orderly, sensible, housekeeping mind; she was
uneasy, even perhaps afraid; something in the house distressed her, and
she had need of me. Unless I went down, her time of rest and change, her
quite necessary holiday, in fact, would be spoilt. She was too unselfish
to say this, but it ran everywhere between the lines. I saw it clearly
now. Mrs. Franklyn, moreover—and that meant Frances too—would like a
‘man in the house.’ It was a disagreeable phrase, a suggestive way
of hinting something she dared not state definitely. The two women in
that great, lonely barrack of a house were afraid.
My sense of duty, affection, unselfishness, whatever the
composite emotion may be termed, was stirred; also my vanity. I acted
quickly, lest reflection should warp clear, decent judgment.
‘Annie,’ I said, when she answered the bell, ‘you need not send
those blouses by the post. I’ll take them down tomorrow when I go. I
shall be away a week or two, possibly longer.’ And, having looked up a
train, I hastened out to telegraph before I could change my fickle
mind.
But no desire came that night to change my mind. I was doing the
right, the necessary thing. I was even in something of a hurry to get
down to The Towers as soon as possible. I chose an early afternoon
train.
III
A telegram had told me to come to a town ten miles from the
house, so I was saved the crawling train to the local station, and
travelled down by an express. As soon as we left London the fog cleared
off, and an autumn sun, though without heat in it, painted the
landscape with golden browns and yellows. My spirits rose as I lay back
in the luxurious motor and sped between the woods and hedges. Oddly
enough, my anxiety of overnight had disappeared. It was due, no doubt,
to that exaggeration of detail which reflection in loneliness brings.
Frances and I had not been separated for over a year, and her letters
from The Towers told so little. It had seemed unnatural to be deprived
of those intimate particulars of mood and feeling I was accustomed to.
We had such confidence in one another, and our affection was so deep.
Though she was but five years younger than myself, I regarded her as a
child. My attitude was fatherly. In return, she certainly mothered me
with a solicitude that never cloyed. I felt no desire to marry while
she was still alive. She painted in water-colours with a reasonable
success, and kept house for me; I wrote, reviewed books and lectured on
aesthetics; we were a humdrum couple of quasi-artists, well satisfied
with life, and all I feared for her was that she might become a
suffragette or be taken captive by one of these wild theories that
caught her imagination sometimes, and that Mabel, for one, had fostered.
As for myself, no doubt she deemed me a trifle solid or stolid—I
forget which word she preferred—but on the whole there was just
sufficient difference of opinion to make intercourse suggestive without
monotony, and certainly without quarrelling. Drawing in deep draughts of
the stinging autumn air, I felt happy and exhilarated. It was like going
for a holiday, with comfort at the end of the journey instead of
bargaining for centimes.
But my heart sank noticeably the moment the house came into view.
The long drive, lined with hostile monkey trees and formal wellingtonias
that were solemn and sedate, was mere extension of the miniature
approach to a thousand semidetached suburban ‘residences’; and the
appearance of The Towers, as we turned the corner with a rush, suggested
a commonplace climax to a story that had begun interestingly, almost
thrillingly. A villa had escaped from the shadow of the Crystal Palace,
thumped its way down by night, grown suddenly monstrous in a shower of
rich rain, and settled itself insolently to stay. Ivy climbed about the
opulent red-brick walls, but climbed neatly and with disfiguring effect,
sham as on a prison or—the simile made me smile—an orphan asylum.
There was no hint of the comely roughness of untidy ivy on a ruin.
Clipped, trained and precise it was, as on a brand-new protestant
church. I swear there was not a bird’s nest nor a single earwig in it
anywhere. About the porch it was particularly thick, smothering a
seventeenth-century lamp with a contrast that was quite horrible.
Extensive glass-houses spread away on the farther side of the house; the
numerous towers to which the building owed its name seemed made to hold
school bells; and the window-sills, thick with potted flowers, made me
think of the desolate suburbs of Brighton or Bexhill. In a commanding
position upon the crest of a hill, it overlooked miles of undulating,
wooded country southwards to the Downs, but behind it, to the north,
thick banks of ilex, holly and privet protected it from the cleaner and
more stimulating winds. Hence, though highly placed, it was shut in.
Three years had passed since I last set eyes upon, it, but the unsightly
memory I had retained was justified by the reality. The place was
deplorable.
It is my habit to express my opinions audibly sometimes, when
impressions are strong enough to warrant it; but now I only sighed
‘Oh, dear,’ as I extricated my legs from many rugs and went into the
house. A tall parlour-maid, with the bearing of a grenadier, received
me, and standing behind her was Mrs. Marsh, the housekeeper, whom I
remembered because her untidy back hair had suggested to me that it had
been burnt. I went at once to my room, my hostess already dressing for
dinner, but Frances came in to see me just as I was struggling with my
black tie that had got tangled like a bootlace. She fastened it for me
in a neat, effective bow, and while I held my chin up for the operation,
staring blankly at the ceiling, the impression came—I wondered, was it
her touch that caused it?—that something in her trembled. Shrinking
perhaps is the truer word. Nothing in her face or manner betrayed it,
nor in her pleasant, easy talk while she tidied my things and scolded my
slovenly packing, as her habit was, questioning me about the servants at
the flat. The blouses, though right, were crumpled, and my scolding was
deserved. There was no impatience even. Yet somehow or other the
suggestion of a shrinking reserve and holding back reached my mind. She
had been lonely, of course, but it was more than that; she was glad that
I had come, yet for some reason unstated she could have wished that I
had stayed away. We discussed the news that had accumulated during our
brief separation, and in doing so the impression, at best exceedingly
slight, was forgotten. My chamber was large and beautifully furnished;
the hall and dining-room of our flat would have gone into it with a good
remainder; yet it was not a place I could settle down in for work. It
conveyed the idea of impermanence, making me feel transient as in a
hotel bedroom. This, of course, was the fact. But some rooms convey a
settled, lasting hospitality even in a hotel; this one did not; and as
I was accustomed to work in the room I slept in, at least when visiting,
a slight frown must have crept between my eyes.
‘Mabel has fitted a work-room for you just out of the
library,’ said the clairvoyant Frances. ‘No one will disturb you
there, and you’ll have fifteen thousand books all catalogued within
easy reach. There’s a private staircase too. You can breakfast in your
room and slip down in your dressing-gown if you want to.’ She laughed.
My spirits took a turn upwards as adsurdly as they had gone down.
‘And how are you?’ I asked, giving her a belated kiss. ‘It’s jolly to be
together again. I did feel rather lost without you, I’ll admit.’
‘That’s natural,’ she laughed. ‘I’m so glad.’
She looked well and had country colour in her cheeks. She
informed me that she was eating and sleeping well, going out for little
walks with Mabel, painting bits of scenery again, and enjoying a
complete change and rest; and yet, for all her brave description, the
word somehow did not quite ring true. Those last words in particular did
not ring true. There lay in her manner, just out of sight, I felt, this
suggestion of the exact reverse—of unrest, shrinking, almost of
anxiety. Certain small strings in her seemed over-tight. ‘Keyed-up’
was the slang expression that crossed my mind. I looked rather
searchingly into her face as she was telling me this.
‘Only—the evenings,’ she added, noticing my query, yet
rather avoiding my eyes, ‘the evenings are—well, rather heavy
sometimes, and I find it difficult to keep awake.’
‘The strong air after London makes you drowsy,’ I suggested,
‘and you like to get early to bed.’
Frances turned and looked at me for a moment steadily. ‘On the
contrary, Bill, I dislike going to bed—here. And Mabel goes so
early.’ She said it lightly enough, fingering the disorder upon my
dressing-table in such a stupid way that I saw her mind was working in
another direction altogether. She looked up suddenly with a kind of
nervousness from the brush and scissors. ‘Billy,’ she said abruptly,
lowering her voice, ‘isn’t it odd, but I hate
sleeping alone here? I can’t make it out quite; I’ve never felt
such a thing before in my life. Do you—think it’s all nonsense?’
And she laughed, with her lips but not with her eyes; there was a note
of defiance in her I failed to understand.
‘Nothing a nature like yours feels strongly is nonsense,
Frances,’ I replied soothingly.
But I, too, answered with my lips only, for another part of my
mind was working elsewhere, and among uncomfortable things. A touch of
bewilderment passed over me. I was not certain how best to continue. If
I laughed she would tell me no more, yet if I took her too seriously the
strings would tighten further. Instinctively, then, this flashed rapidly
across me: that something of what she felt, I had also felt, though
interpreting it differently. Vague it was, as the coming of rain or
storm that announce themselves hours in advance with their hint of
faint, unsettling excitement in the air. I had been but a short hour in
the house—big, comfortable, luxurious house—but had experienced this
sense of being unsettled, unfixed, fluctuating—a kind of impermanence
that transient lodgers in hotels must feel, but that a guest in a
friend’s home ought not to feel, be the visit short or long. To
Frances, an impressionable woman, the feeling had come in the terms of
alarm. She disliked sleeping alone, while yet she longed to sleep. The
precise idea in my mind evaded capture, merely brushing through me,
three-quarters out of sight; I realised only that we both felt the same
thing, and that neither of us could get at it dearly. Degrees of unrest
we felt, but the actual thing did not disclose itself. It did not
happen.
I felt strangely at sea for a moment. Frances would interpret
hesitation as endorsement, and encouragement might be the last thing
that could help her.
‘Sleeping in a strange house,’ I answered at length, ‘is
often difficult at first, and one feels lonely. After fifteen months in
our tiny flat one feels lost and uncared-for in a big house. It’s an
uncomfortable feeling—I know it well. And this is a barrack, isn’t it? The masses of furniture only make it
worse. One feels in storage somewhere underground—the furniture
doesn’t furnish. One must never yield to fancies, though—’
Frances looked away towards the windows; she seemed disappointed
a little.
‘After our thickly-populated Chelsea,’ I went on quickly,
‘it seems isolated here.’
But she did not turn back, and clearly I was saying the wrong
thing. A wave of pity rushed suddenly over me. Was she really
frightened, perhaps? She was imaginative, I knew, but never moody;
common sense was strong in her, though she had her times of
hypersensitiveness. I caught the echo of some unreasoning, big alarm in
her. She stood there, gazing across my balcony towards the sea of wooded
country that spread dim and vague in the obscurity of the dusk. The
deepening shadows entered the room, I fancied, from the grounds below.
Following her abstracted gaze a moment, I experienced a curious sharp
desire to leave, to escape. Out yonder was wind and space and freedom.
This enormous building was oppressive, silent, still. Great catacombs
occured to me, things beneath the ground, imprisonment and capture. I
believe I even shuddered a little.
I touched her shoulder. She turned round slowly, and we looked
with a certain deliberation into each other’s eyes.
‘Fanny,’ I asked, more gravely than I intended, ‘you are
not frightened, are you? Nothing has happened, has it?’
She replied with emphasis, ‘Of course not! How could it—I
mean, why should I?’ She stammered, as though the wrong sentence
flustered her a second. ‘It’s simply—that I have this ter—this
dislike of sleeping alone.’
Naturally, my first thought was how easy it would be to cut our
visit short. But I did not say this. Had it been a true solution,
Frances would have said it for me long ago.
‘Wouldn’t Mabel double-up with you?’ I said instead, ‘or
give you an adjoining room, so that you could leave the door between you
open? There’s space enough, heaven knows.’
And then, as the gong sounded in the hall below for dinner, she
said, as with an effort, this thing:
‘Mabel did ask me—on the third night—after I had told her.
But I declined.’
‘You’d rather be alone than with her?’ I asked, with a
certain relief.
Her reply was so gravely given, a child would have known there
was more behind it: ‘Not that; but that she did not really want it.’
I had a moment’s intuition and acted on it impulsively. ‘She
feels it too, perhaps, but wishes to face it by herself—and get over
it?’
My sister bowed her head, and the gesture made me realise of a
sudden how grave and solemn our talk had grown, as though some
portentous thing were under discussion. It had come of
itself—indefinite as a gradual change of temperature. Yet neither of
us knew its nature, for apparently neither of us could state it plainly.
Nothing happened, even in our words.
‘That was my
impression,’ she said, ‘—that if she yields to it she encourages
it. And a habit forms so easily. Just think,’ she added with a faint
smile that was the first sign of lightness she had yet betrayed, ‘what
a nuisance it would be—everywhere—if everybody was afraid of being
alone—like that.’
I snatched readily at the chance. We laughed a little, though it
was a quiet kind of laughter that seemed wrong. I took her arm and led
her towards the door.
‘Disastrous, in fact,’ I agreed.
She raised her voice to its normal pitch again, as I had done.
‘No doubt it will pass,’ she said, ‘now that you have come. Of
course, it’s chiefly my imagination.’ Her tone was lighter, though
nothing could convince me that the matter itself was light—just then.
‘And in any case,’ tightening her grip on my arm as we passed into
the bright enormous corridor and caught sight of Mrs. Franklyn waiting
in the cheerless hall below, ‘I’m very
glad you’re here, Bill, and Mabel, I know, is too.’
‘If it doesn’t pass,’ I just had time to whisper with a
feeble attempt at jollity, ‘I’ll come at night and snore outside
your door. After that you’ll be so glad to get rid of me that you
won’t mind being alone.’
‘That’s a bargain,’ said Frances.
I shook my hostess by the hand, made a banal remark about the
long interval since last we met, and walked behind them into the great
dining-room, dimly lit by candles, wondering in my heart how long my
sister and I should stay, and why in the world we had ever left our cosy
little flat to enter this desolation of riches and false luxury at all.
The unsightly picture of the late Samuel Franklyn, Esq., stared down
upon me from the farther end of the room above the mighty mantelpiece.
He looked, I thought, like some pompous Heavenly Butler who denied to
all the world, and to us in particular, the right of entry without
presentation cards signed by his hand as proof that we belonged to his
own exclusive set. The majority, to his deep grief, and in spite of all
his prayers on their behalf, must burn and ‘perish everlastingly.’
IV
With the instinct of the healthy bachelor I always try to make
myself a nest in the place I live in, be it for long or short. Whether
visiting, in lodging-house, or in hotel, the first essential is this
nest—one’s own things built into the walls as a bird builds in its
feathers. It may look desolate and uncomfortable enough to others,
because the central detail is neither bed nor wardrobe, sofa nor
arm-chair, but a good solid writing-table that does not wriggle, and
that has wide elbow-room. And The Towers is vividly described for me by
the single fact that I could not ‘nest’ there. I took several days
to discover this, but the first impression of impermanence was truer
than I knew. The feathers of the mind refused here to lie one way. They
ruffled, pointed and grew wild.
Luxurious furniture does not mean comfort; I might as well have
tried to settle down in the sofa and arm-chair department of a big shop.
My bedroom was easily managed; it was the private workroom, prepared
especially for my reception, that made me feel alien and outcast.
Externally, it was all one could desire: an ante-chamber to the great
library, with not one, but two generous oak tables, to say nothing of
smaller ones against the walls with capacious drawers. There were
reading-desks, mechanical devices for holding books, perfect light,
quiet as in a church, and no approach but across the huge adjoining
room. Yet it did not invite.
‘I hope you’ll be able to work here,’ said my little
hostess the next morning, as she took me in—her only visit to it while
I stayed in the house—and showed me the ten-volume Catalogue.
‘It’s absolutely quiet and no one will disturb you.’
‘If you can’t, Bill, you’re not much good,’ laughed
Frances, who was on her arm. ‘Even I could write in a study like
this!’
I glanced with pleasure at the ample tables, the sheets of thick
blotting-paper, the rulers, sealing-wax, paper-knives, and all the other
immaculate paraphernalia. ‘It’s perfect,’ I answered with a secret
thrill, yet feeling a little foolish. This was for Gibbon or Carlyle,
rather than for my pot-boiling insignificancies. ‘If I can’t write
masterpieces here, it’s certainly not your
fault,’ and I turned with gratitude to Mrs. Franklyn. She was
looking straight at me, and there was a question
in her small pale eyes I did not understand. Was she noting the
effect upon me, I wondered?
‘You’ll write here—perhaps a story about the house,’ she
said, ‘Thompson will bring you anything you want; you only have to
ring.’ She pointed to the electric bell on the central table, the wire
running neatly down the leg. ‘No one has ever worked here before, and
the library has been hardly used since it was put in. So there’s no
previous atmosphere to affect your imagination—er—adversely.’
We laughed. ‘Bill isn’t that sort,’ said my sister; while I
wished they would go out and leave me to arrange my little nest and set
to work.
I thought, of course, it was the huge listening library that made
me feel so inconsiderable—the fifteen thousand silent, staring books,
the solemn aisles, the deep, eloquent shelves. But when the women had
gone and I was alone, the beginning of the truth crept over me, and I
felt that first hint of disconsolateness which later became an
imperative No. The mind shut down, images ceased to rise and flow. I
read, made copious notes, but I wrote no single line at The Towers.
Nothing completed itself there. Nothing happened.
The morning sunshine poured into the library through ten long
narrow windows; birds were singing; the autumn air, rich with a faint
aroma of November melancholy that stung the imagination pleasantly,
filled my ante-chamber. I looked out upon the undulating wooded
landscape, hemmed in by the sweep of distant Downs, and I tasted a whiff
of the sea. Rooks cawed as they floated above the elms, and there were
lazy cows in the nearer meadows. A dozen times I tried to make my nest
and settle down to work, and a dozen times, like a turning fastidious
dog upon a hearth-rug, I rearranged my chair and books and papers. The
temptation of the Catalogue and shelves, of course, was accountable for
much, yet not, I felt, for all. That was a manageable seduction. My
work, moreover, was not of the creative kind that requires absolute
absorption; it was the mere readable presentation of data I had
accumulated. My note-books were charged with facts ready to tabulate—
facts, too, that interested me keenly. A mere effort of the will was
necessary, and concentration of no difficult kind. Yet, somehow, it
seemed beyond me: something for ever pushed the facts into disorder…
and in the end I sat in the sunshine, dipping into a dozen books
selected from the shelves outside, vexed with myself and only
half-enjoying it. I felt restless. I wanted to be elsewhere.
And even while I read, attention wandered. Frances, Mabel, her
late husband, the house and grounds, each in turn and sometimes all
together, rose uninvited into the stream of thought, hindering any
consecutive flow of work. In disconnected fashion came these pictures
that interrupted concentration, yet presenting themselves as broken
fragments of a bigger thing my mind already groped for unconsciously.
They fluttered round this hidden thing of which they were aspects,
fugitive interpretations, no one of them bringing complete revelation.
There was no adjective, such as pleasant or unpleasant, that I could
attach to what I felt, beyond that the result was unsettling. Vague as
the atmosphere of a dream, it yet persisted, and I could not dissipate
it. Isolated words or phrases in the lines I read sent questions
scouring across my mind, sure sign that the deeper part of me was
restless and ill at ease.
Rather trivial questions too—half-foolish interrogations, as of
a puzzled or curious child: Why was my sister afraid to sleep alone, and
why did her friend feel a similar repugnance, yet seek to conquer it?
Why was the solid luxury of the house without comfort, its shelter
without the sense of permanence? Why had Mrs. Franklyn asked us
to come, artists, unbelieving vagabonds, types at the farthest
possible remove from the saved sheep of her husband’s household? Had a
reaction set in against the hysteria of her conversion? I had seen no
signs of religious fervour in her; her atmosphere was that of an
ordinary, high-minded woman, yet a woman of the world. Lifeless, though,
a little, perhaps, now that I came to think about it: she had made no
definite impression upon me of any kind. And my thoughts ran vaguely
after this fragile clue.
Closing my book, I let them run. For, with this chance reflection
came the discovery that I could not see her clearly—could not feel her soul, her personality. Her
face, her small pale eyes, her dress and body and walk, all these stood
before me like a photograph; but her Self evaded me. She seemed not
there, lifeless, empty, a shadow—nothing. The picture was
disagreeable, and I put it by. Instantly she melted out, as though light
thought had conjured up a phantom that had no real existence. And at
that very moment, singularly enough, my eye caught sight of her moving
past the window, going silently along the gravel path. I watched her, a
sudden new sensation gripping me. ‘There goes a prisoner,’ my
thought instantly ran, ‘one who wishes to escape, but cannot.’
What brought the outlandish notion, heaven only knows. The house
was of her own choice, she was twice an heiress, and the world lay open
at her feet. Yet she stayed—unhappy, frightened, caught. All this
flashed over me, and made a sharp impression even before I had time to
dismiss it as absurd. But a moment later explanation offered itself,
though it seemed as far-fetched as the original impression. My mind,
being logical, was obliged to provide something, apparently. For Mrs.
Franklyn, while dressed to go out, with thick walking-boots, a pointed
stick, and a motor-cap tied on with a veil as for the windy lanes, was
obviously content to go no farther than the little garden paths. The
costume was a sham and a pretence. lt was this, and her lithe, quick
movements that suggested a caged creature—a creature tamed by fear and
cruelty that cloaked themselves in kindness—pacing up and down, unable
to realise why it got no farther, but always met the same bars in
exactly the same place. The mind in her was barred.
I watched her go along the paths and down the steps from one
terrace to another, until the laurels hid her altogether; and into this
mere imagining of a moment came a hint of something slightly
disagreeable, for which my mind, search as it would, found no
explanation at all. I remembered then certain other little things. They
dropped into the picture of their own accord. In a mind not deliberately
hunting for clues, pieces of a puzzle sometimes come together in this
way, bringing revelation, so that for a second there flashed across
me, vanishing instantly again before I could consider it, a large,
distressing thought. I can only describe vaguely as a Shadow. Dark and
ugly, oppressive certainly it might be described, with something torn
and dreadful about the edges that suggested pain and strife and terror.
The interior of a prison with two rows of occupied condemned cells, seen
years ago in New York, sprang to memory after it—the connection
between the two impossible to surmise even. But the ‘certain other
little things’ mentioned above were these: that Mrs. Franklyn, in last
night’s dinner talk, had always referred to ‘this house’, but
never called it ‘home’; and had emphasised unnecessarily, for a
well-bred woman, our ‘great kindness’ in coming down to stay so long
with her. Another time, in answer to my futile compliment about the
‘stately rooms’, she said quietly, ‘It is an enormous house for so
small a party; but I stay here very little, and only till I get it
straight again.’ The three of us were going up the great staircase to
bed as this was said, and, not knowing quite her meaning, I dropped the
subject. It edged delicate ground, I felt. Frances added no word of her
own. It now occurred to me abruptly that ‘stay’ was the word made
use of, when ‘live’ would have been more natural. How insignificant
to recall! Yet why did they suggest themselves just at this moment?...
And, on going to Frances’s room to make sure she was not nervous or
lonely, I realised abruptly, that Mrs. Franklyn, of course, had talked
with her in a confidential
sense that I, as a mere visiting brother, could not share. Frances had
told me nothing. I might easily have wormed it out of her, had I not
felt that for us to discuss further our hostess and her house merely
because we were under the roof together, was not quite nice or loyal.
‘I’ll call you, Bill, if I’m scared,’ she had laughed as
we parted, my room being just across the big corridor from her own. I
had fallen asleep, thinking what in the world was meant by ‘getting it
straight again’.
And now in my ante-chamber to the library, on the second morning,
sitting among piles of foolscap and sheets of spotless blotting-paper,
all useless to me, these slight hints came back and helped to frame the
big, vague Shadow I have mentioned. Up to the neck in this Shadow,
almost drowned, yet just treading water, stood the figure of my hostess
in her walking costume. Frances and I seemed swimming to her aid. The
Shadow was large enough to include both house and grounds, but farther
than that I could not see.... Dismissing it, I fell to reading my
purloined book again. Before I turned another page, however, another
startling detail leaped out at me: the figure of Mrs. Franklyn in the
Shadow was not living. It floated helplessly, like a doll or puppet that
has no life in it. It was both pathetic and dreadful.
Any one who sits in reverie thus, of course, may see similar
ridiculous pictures when the will no longer guides construction. The
incongruities of dreams are thus explained. I merely record the picture
as it came. That it remained by me for several days, just as vivid
dreams do, is neither here nor there. I did not allow myself to dwell
upon it. The curious thing, perhaps, is that from this moment I date my
inclination, though not yet my desire, to leave. I purposely say ‘to
leave.’ I cannot quite remember when the word changed to that
aggressive, frantic thing which is escape.
V
We were left delightfully to ourselves in this pretentious
country mansion with the soul of a villa. Frances took up her painting
again, and, the weather being propitious, spent hours out of doors,
sketching flowers, trees and nooks of woodland, garden, even the house
itself where bits of it peered suggestively across the orchards. Mrs.
Franklyn seemed always busy about something or other, and never
interfered with us except to propose motoring, tea in another part of
the lawn, and so forth. She flitted everywhere, preoccupied, yet
apparently doing nothing. The house engulfed her rather. No visitor
called. For one thing, she was not supposed to be back from abroad yet;
and for another, I think, the neighbourhood—her husband’s
neighbourhood—was puzzled by her sudden cessation from good works.
Brigades and temperance societies did not ask to hold their meetings in
the big hall, and the vicar arranged the school-treats in another’s
field without explanation. The full-length portrait in the
dining-room, and the presence of the housekeeper with the ‘burnt’
backhair, indeed, were the only reminders of the man who once had lived
here. Mrs. Marsh retained her place in silence, well-paid sinecure as it
doubtless was, yet with no hint of that suppressed disapproval one
might have expected from her. Indeed there was nothing positive to
disapprove, since nothing ‘worldly’ entered grounds or building. In
her master’s lifetime she had been another ‘brand snatched from the
burning’, and it had then been her custom to give vociferous
‘testimony’ at the revival meetings where he adorned the platform
and led in streams of prayer. I saw her sometimes on the stairs,
hovering, wandering, half-watching and half-listening, and the idea came
to me once that this woman somehow formed a link with the departed
influence of her bigoted employer. She, alone among us, belonged
to the house, and looked at home there. When I saw her talking—oh,
with such correct and respectful mien—to Mrs. Franklyn, I had the
feeling that for all her unaggressive attitude, she yet exerted some
influence that sought to make her mistress stay in the building for
ever—live there. She would prevent her escape, prevent ‘getting it
straight again,’ thwart somehow her will to freedom, if she could. The
idea in me was of the most fleeting kind. But another time, when I came
down late at night to get a book from the library ante-chamber, and
found her sitting in the hall—alone—the impression left upon me was
the reverse of fleeting. I can never forget the vivid, disagreeable
effect it produced upon me. What was she doing there at half-past eleven
at night, all alone in the darkness? She was sitting upright, stiff, in
a big chair below the clock. It gave me a turn. It was so incongruous
and odd. She rose quietly as I turned the corner of the stairs, and
asked me respectfully, her eyes cast down as usual, whether I had
finished with the library, so that she might lock up. There was no more
to it than that; but the picture stayed with me—unpleasantly.
These various impressions came to me at odd moments, of course,
and not in a single sequence as I now relate them. I was hard at work
before three days were past, not writing, as explained, but reading,
making notes, and gathering material from the library for future use.
It was in chance moments that these curious flashes came, catching me
unawares with a touch of surprise that sometimes made me start. For they
proved that my under-mind was still conscious of the Shadow, and that
far away out of sight lay the cause of it that left me with a vague
unrest, unsettled, seeking to ‘nest’ in a place that did not want
me. Only when this deeper part knows harmony, perhaps, can good brain
work result, and my inability to write was thus explained. Certainly,
I was always seeking for something here I could not find—an
explanation that continually evaded me. Nothing but these trivial hints
offered themselves. Lumped together, however, they had the effect of
defining the Shadow a little. I became more and more aware of its very
real existence. And, if I have made little mention of Frances and my
hostess in this connection, it is because they contributed at first
little or nothing towards the discovery of what this story tries to
tell. Our life was wholly external, normal, quiet, and uneventful;
conversation banal—Mrs. Franklyn’s conversation in particular. They
said nothing that suggested revelation. Both were in this Shadow, and
both knew that they were in it, but neither betrayed by word or act a
hint of interpretation. They talked privately, no doubt, but of that I
can report no details.
And so it was that, after ten days of a very commonplace visit, I
found myself looking straight into the face of a Strangeness that
defied capture at dose quarters. ‘There’s something here that never
happens,’ were the words that rose in my mind, ‘and that’s why
none of us can speak of it.’ And as I looked out of the window and
watched the vulgar blackbirds, with toes turned in, boring out their
worms, I realised sharply that even they, as indeed everything large and
small in the house and grounds, shared this strangeness, and were
twisted out of normal appearance because of it.
Life, as expressed in the entire place, was crumpled, dwarfed,
emasculated. God’s meanings here were crippled, His love of joy was
stunted. Nothing in the garden danced or sang. There was hate in it.
‘The Shadow,’ my thought hurried on to completion, ‘is a
manifestation of hate; and hate is the Devil.’ And then I sat back
frightened in my chair, for I knew that I had partly found the truth.
Leaving my books I went out into the open. The sky was overcast,
yet the day by no means gloomy, for a soft, diffused light oozed through
the clouds and turned all things warm and almost summery. But I saw the
grounds now in their nakedness because I understood. Hate means strife,
and the two together weave the robe that terror wears. Having no
so-called religious beliefs myself, nor belonging to any set of dogmas
called a creed, I could stand outside these feelings and observe. Yet
they soaked into me sufficiently for me to grasp sympathetically what
others, with more cabined souls (I flattered myself), might feel. That
picture in the dining-room stalked everywhere, hid behind every tree,
peered down upon me from the peaked ugliness of the bourgeois towers,
and left the impress of its powerful hand upon every bed of flowers.
‘You must not do this, you must not do that,’ went past me through
the air. ‘You must not leave these narrow paths,’ said the rigid
iron railings of black. ‘You shall not walk here,’ was written on
the lawns. ‘Keep to the steps,’ ‘Don’t pick the flowers; make no
noise of laughter, singing, dancing,’ was placarded all over the
rose-garden, and ‘Trespassers will be—not prosecuted but—destroyed’
hung from the crest of monkey-tree and holly. Guarding the ends of
each artificial terrace stood gaunt, implacable policemen, warders,
gaolers. ‘Come with us,’ they chanted, ‘or be damned eternally.’
I remember feeling quite pleased with myself that I had
discovered this obvious explanation of the prison-feeling the place
breathed out. That the posthumous influence of heavy old Samuel Franklyn
might be an inadequate solution did not occur to me. By ‘getting the
place straight again,’ his widow, of course, meant forgetting the
glamour of fear and foreboding his depressing creed had temporarily
forced upon her; and Frances, delicately-minded being, did not speak of
it because it was the influence of the man her friend had loved. I felt
lighter; a load was lifted from me. ‘To trace the unfamiliar to the
familiar,’ came back a sentence I had read somewhere, ‘is to
understand.’ It was a real relief. I could talk with Frances now, even
with my hostess, no danger of treading clumsily. For the key was in my
hands. I might even help to dissipate the Shadow, ‘to get it straight
again.’ It seemed, perhaps, our long invitation was explained!
I went into the house laughing—at myself a little. ‘Perhaps
after all the artist’s outlook, with no hard and fast dogmas, is as
narrow as the others! How small humanity is! And why is there no
possible and true combination of all
outlooks?’
The feeling of ‘unsettling’ was very strong in me just then,
in spite of my big discovery which was to clear everything up. And at
the moment I ran into Frances on the stairs, with a portfolio of
sketches under her arm.
It came across me then abruptly that, although she had worked a
great deal since we came, she had shown me nothing. It struck me
suddenly as odd, unnatural. The way she tried to pass me now confirmed
my new-born suspicion that—well, that her results were hardly what
they ought to be.
‘Stand and deliver!’ I laughed, stepping in front of her.
‘I’ve seen nothing you’ve done since you’ve been here, and as a
rule you show me all your things. I believe they are atrocious and
degrading!’ Then my laughter froze.
She made a sly gesture to slip past me, and I almost decided to
let her go, for the expression that flashed across her face shocked me.
She looked uncomfortable and ashamed; the colour came and went a moment
in he cheeks, making me think of a child detected in some secret
naughtiness. It was almost fear.
‘It’s because they’re not finished then?’ I said,
dropping the tone of banter, ‘or because they’re too good for me to
understand?’ For my criticism of painting, she told me, was crude and
ignorant sometimes. ‘But you’ll let me see them later, won’t
you?’
Frances, however, did not take the way of escape I offered. She
changed her mind. She drew the portfolio from beneath her arm instead.
‘You can see them if you really want
to, Bill,’ she said quietly, and her tone reminded me of a nurse who
says to a boy just grown out of childhood, ‘you are old enough now to
look upon horror and ugliness—only I don’t advise it.’
‘I do want to,’ I said, and made to go downstairs with her.
But, instead, she said in the same low voice as before, ‘Come up to my
room, we shall be undisturbed there.’ So I guessed that she had been
on her way to show the paintings to our hostess, but did not care for us
all three to see them together. My mind worked furiously.
‘Mabel asked me to do them,’ she explained in a tone of
submissive horror, once the door was shut, ‘in fact, she begged it of
me. You know how persistent she is in her quiet way. I—er—had to.’
She flushed and opened the portfolio on the little table by the
window, standing behind me as I turned the sketches over-sketches of
the grounds and trees and garden. In the first moment of ‘inspection,
however, I did not take in clearly why my sister’s sense of modesty
had been offended. For my attention flashed a second elsewhere. Another
bit of the puzzle had dropped into place, defining still further the
nature of what I called ‘the Shadow’. Mrs. Franklyn, I now
remembered, has suggested to me in the library that I might perhaps
write something about the place, and I had taken it for one of her banal
sentences and paid no further attention. I realised now that it was said
in earnest. She wanted our interpretations, as expressed in our
respective ‘talents’, painting and writing. Her invitation was
explained. She left us to ourselves on purpose.
‘I should like to tear them up,’ Frances was whispering
behind me with a shudder, ‘only I promised—’ She hesitated a
moment.
‘Promised not to?’ I asked with a queer feeling of distress,
my eyes glued to the papers.
‘Promised always to show them to her first,’ she finished so
low I barely caught it.
I have no intuitive, immediate grasp of the value of paintings;
results come to me slowly, and though every one believes his own
judgment to be good, I dare not claim that mine is worth more than that
of any other layman, Frances had too often convicted me of gross
ignorance and error. I can only say that I examined these sketches with
a feeling of amazement that contained revulsion, if not actually horror
and disgust. They were outrageous. I felt hot for my sister, and it was
a relief to know she had moved across the room on some pretence or
other, and did not examine them with me. Her talent, of course, is
mediocre, yet she has her moments of inspiration —moments, that is to
say, when a view of Beauty not normally her own flames divinely through
her. And these interpretations struck me forcibly as being thus
‘inspired’—not her own. They were uncommonly well done; they were
also atrocious. The meaning in them, however, was never more than
hinted. There the unholy skill and power came in: they suggested so
abominably, leaving most to the imagination. To find such significance
in a bourgeois villa garden, and to interpret it with such delicate yet
legible certainty, was a kind of symbolism that was sinister, even
diabolical. The delicacy was her own, but the point of view was
another’s. And the word that rose in my mind was not the gross
description of ‘impure’, but the more fundamental
qualification—‘un-pure’.
In silence I turned the sketches over one by one, as a boy
hurries through the pages of an evil book lest he be caught.
‘What does Mabel do with them?’ I asked presently in a low
tone, as I neared the end. ‘Does she keep them?’
‘She makes notes about them in a book and then destroys
them,’ was the reply from the end of the room. I heard a sigh of
relief. ‘I’m glad you’ve seen them, Bill. I wanted you to— but
was afraid to show them. You understand?’
‘I understand,’ was my reply, though it was not a question
intended to be answered. All I understood really was that Mabel’s mind
was as sweet and pure as my sister’s, and that she had some good
reason for what she did. She destroyed the sketches, but first made
notes! It was an interpretation of the place she sought. Brother-like, I
felt resentment, though, that Frances should waste her time and talent,
when she might be doing work that she could sell. Naturally, I felt
other things as well....
‘Mabel pays me five guineas for each one,’ I heard. ‘Absolutely
insists.’
I stared at her stupidly a moment, bereft of speech or wit. ‘I
must either accept, or go away,’ she went on calmly, but a little
white. ‘I’ve tried everything. There was a scene the third day I was
here—when I showed her my first result. I wanted to write to you, but
hesitated—’
‘It’s unintentional, then, on your part—forgive my asking
it, Frances, dear?’ I blundered, hardly knowing what to think or say.
‘Between the lines’ of her letter came back to me. ‘I mean, you
make the sketches in your ordinary way and—the result comes out of
itself, so to speak?’
She nodded, throwing her hands out like a Frenchman. ‘We
needn’t keep the money for ourselves, Bill. We can give it away,
but—I must either accept or leave,’ and she repeated the shrugging
gesture. She sat down on the chair facing me, staring helplessly at the
carpet.
‘You say there was a scene?’ I went on presently, ‘She
insisted?’
‘She begged me to continue,’ my sister replied very quietly.
‘She thinks—that is, she has an idea or theory that there’s
something about the place—something she can’t get at quite.’
Frances stammered badly. She knew I did not encourage her wild theories.
‘Something she feels—yes,’ I helped her, more than curious.
‘Oh, you know what I mean, Bill,’ she said desperately.
‘That the place is saturated with some influence that she is herself
too positive or too stupid to interpret. She’s trying to make herself
negative and receptive, as she calls it, but can’t, of course,
succeed. Haven’t you noticed how dull and impersonal and insipid she
seems, as though she had no personality? She thinks impressions will
come to her that way. But they don’t—’
‘Naturally.’
‘So she’s trying me—us—what she calls the sensitive and
impressionable artistic temperament. She says that until she is sure
exactly what this influence is, she can’t fight it, turn it out,
“get the house straight”, as she phrases it.
Remembering my own singular impressions, I felt more lenient than
I might otherwise have done. I tried to keep impatience out of my voice.
‘And this influence, what—whose is it?’
We used the pronoun that followed in the same breath, for I
answered my own question at the same moment as she did:
‘His.’ Our heads
nodded involuntarily towards the floor, the dining-room being directly
underneath.
And my heart sank, my curiosity died away on the instant; I felt
bored. A commonplace haunted house was the last thing in the world to
amuse or interest me. The mere thought exasperated, with its suggestions
of imagination, overwrought nerves, hysteria, and the rest. Mingled with
my other feelings was certainly disappointment. To see a figure or
feel a ‘presence’, and report from day to day strange incidents to
each other would be a form of weariness I could never tolerate.
‘But really, Frances,’ I said firmly, after a moment’s
pause, ‘it’s too far-fetched, this explanation. A curse, you know,
belongs to the ghost stories of early Victorian days.’ And only my
positive conviction that there was
something after all worth discovering, and that it most certainly
was not this, prevented my
suggesting that we terminate our visit forthwith, or as soon as we
decently could. ‘This is not a haunted house, whatever it is,’ I
concluded somewhat vehemently, bringing my hand down upon her odious
portfolio.
My sister’s reply revived my curiosity sharply.
‘I was waiting for you to say that. Mabel says exactly the
same. He is in it—but it’s
something more than that alone, something far bigger and more
complicated.’ Her sentence seemed to indicate the sketches, and though
I caught the inference I did not take it up, having no desire to discuss
them with her just them indeed, if ever.
I merely stared at her and listened. Questions, I felt sure,
would be of little use. It was better she should say her thought in her
own way.
‘He is one influence, the most recent,’ she went on slowly,
and always very calmly, ‘but there are others—deeper layers, as it
were—underneath. If his were the only one, something would happen. But
nothing ever does happen. The others hinder and prevent—as though each
were struggling to predominate.’
I had felt it already myself. The idea was rather horrible. I
shivered.
‘That’s what is so ugly about it—that nothing ever
happens,’ she said. ‘There is this endless anticipation—always on
the dry edge of a result that never materialises. It is torture. Mabel
is at her wits’ end, you see. And when she begged me—what I felt
about my sketches—I mean—’ She stammered badly as before.
I stopped her. I had judged too hastily. That queer symbolism
in her paintings, pagan and yet not innocent, was, I understood, the
result of mixture. I did not pretend to understand, but at least I could
be patient. I consequently held my peace. We did talk on a little
longer, but it was more general talk that avoided successfully our
hostess, the paintings, wild theories, and him—until at length
the emotion Frances had hitherto so successfully kept under burst
vehemently forth again. It had hidden between her calm sentences, as it
had hidden between the lines of her letter. It swept her now from head
to foot, packed tight in the thing she then said.
‘Then, Bill, if it is not an ordinary haunted house,’ she
asked, ‘what is it?’
The words were commonplace enough. The emotion was in the
tone of her voice that trembled; in the gesture she made, leaning
forward and clasping both hands upon her knees, and in the slight
blanching of her cheeks as her brave eyes asked the question and
searched my own with anxiety that bordered upon panic. In that moment
she put herself under my protection. I winced.
‘And why,’ she added, lowering her voice to a still and
furtive whisper, ‘does nothing ever happen? If only,’—this with
great emphasis—’something would
happen—break this awful tension—bring relief. It’s the waiting
I cannot stand.’ And she shivered all over as she said it, a touch of
wildness in her eyes.
I would have given much to have made a true and satisfactory
answer. My mind searched frantically for a moment, but in vain. There
lay no sufficient answer in me. I felt what she felt, though with
differences. No conclusive explanation lay within reach. Nothing
happened. Eager as I was to shoot the entire business into the rubbish
heap where ignorance and superstition discharge their poisonous weeds, I
could not honestly accomplish this. To treat Frances as a child, and
merely ‘explain away’ would be to strain her confidence
in my protection, so affectionately claimed. It would further be
dishonest to myself—weak, besides—to deny that I had also felt the
strain and tension even as she did. While my mind continued searching, I
returned her stare in silence; and Frances then, with more honesty and
insight than my own, gave suddenly the answer herself—an answer whose
truth and adequacy, so far as they went, I could not readily gainsay:
‘I think, Bill, because it is too big to happen here—to
happen anywhere, indeed, all at once—and too awful!’
To have tossed the sentence aside as nonsense, argued it away,
proved that it was really meaningless, would have been easy—at any
other time or in any other place; and, had the past week brought me none
of the vivid impressions it had brought me, this is doubtless what I
should have done. My narrowness again was proved. We understand in
others only what we have in ourselves. But her explanation, in a measure,
I knew was true. It hinted at the strife and struggle that my notion of
a Shadow had seemed to cover thinly.
‘Perhaps,’ I murmured lamely, waiting in vain for her to say
more. ‘But you said just now that you felt the thing was “in
layers”, as it were. Do you mean each one—each influence— fighting
for the upper hand?’
I used her phraseology to conceal my own poverty. Terminology,
after all, was nothing, provided we could reach the idea itself.
Her eyes said yes. She had her clear conception, arrived at
independently, as was her way. And, unlike her sex, she kept it clear,
unsmothered by too many words.
‘One set of influences gets at me, another gets at you. It’s
according to our temperaments, I think.’ She glanced significantly
at the vile portfolio. ‘Sometimes they are mixed—and therefore
false. There has always been in me, more than in you, the pagan thing,
perhaps, though never, thank God, like that.’
The frank confession of course invited my own, as it was
meant to do. Yet it was difficult to find the words.
‘What I have felt in this place, Frances, I honestly can hardly
tell you, because—er—my impressions have not arranged themselves in
any definite form I can describe. The strife, the agony of vainly-sought
escape, and the unrest—a sort of prison atmosphere—this I have felt
at different times and with varying degrees of strength. But I find, as
yet, no final label to attach. I couldn’t say pagan, Christian, or
anything like that, I mean, as you do. As with the blind and deaf, you
may have an intensification of certain senses denied to me, or even
another sense altogether in embryo—’
‘Perhaps,’ she stopped me, anxious to keep to the point,
‘you feel it as Mabel does. She feels the whole thing complete.’
‘That also is possible,’ I said very slowly. I was
thinking behind my words. Her odd remark that it was ‘big and awful’
came back upon me as true. A vast sensation of distress and discomfort
swept me suddenly. Pity was in it, and a fierce contempt, a savage,
bitter anger as well. Fury against some sham authority was part of it.
‘Frances,’ I said, caught unawares, and dropping all
pretence, ‘what in the world can it be?’ I looked hard at her. For
some minutes neither of us spoke.
‘Have you felt no
desire to interpret it?’ she asked presently,
‘Mabel did suggest my writing something about the house,’ was
my reply, ‘but I’ve felt nothing imperative. That sort of writing is
not my line, you know. My only feeling,’ I added, noticing that she
waited for more, ‘is the impulse to explain, discover, get it out of
me somehow, and so get rid of it. Not by writing, though—as yet.’
And again I repeated my former question: ‘What in the world do you
think it is?’ My voice had become involuntarily hushed. There was awe
in it.
Her answer, given with slow emphasis, brought back all my
reserve: the phraseology provoked me rather:—
‘Whatever it is, Bill, it is not of God.’
I got up to go downstairs. I believe I shrugged my shoulders.
‘Would you like to leave, Frances? Shall we go back to town?’ I
suggested this at the door, and hearing no immediate reply, I turned
back to look. Frances was sitting with her head bowed over and buried in
her hands. The attitude horribly suggested tears. No woman, I realised,
can keep back the pressure of strong emotion as long as Frances had
done, without ending in a fluid collapse. I waited a moment uneasily,
longing to comfort, yet afraid to act—and in this way discovered the
existence of the appalling emotion in myself, hitherto but half guessed.
At all costs a scene must be prevented: it would involve such
exaggeration and over-statement. Brutally, such is the weakness of the
ordinary man, I turned the handle to go out, but my sister then raised
her head. The sunlight caught her face, framed untidily in its auburn
hair, and I saw her wonderful expression with a start. Pity, tenderness
and sympathy shone in it like a flame. It was undeniable. There shone
through all her features the imperishable love and yearning to sacrifice
self for others which I have seen in only one type of human being. It
was the great mother look.
‘We must stay by Mabel and help her get it