‘Better put wraps on now. The sun’s getting low,’ a girl said.
It was the end of
a day’s expedition in the Arabian Desert, and they were having tea. A
few yards away the donkeys munched their barsim;
beside them in the sand the boys lay finishing bread and jam.
Immense, with gliding tread, the sun’s rays slid from crest to crest
of the limestone ridges that broke the huge expanse towards the Red Sea.
By the time the tea-things were packed the sun hovered, a giant ball of
red, above the Pyramids. It stood in the western sky a moment, looking
out of its majestic hood across the sand. With a movement almost visible
it leaped, paused, then leaped again. It seemed to bound towards the
horizon; then, suddenly, was gone.
‘It is cold, yes,’ said the painter, Rivers. And all who heard looked
up at him because of the way he said it. A hurried movement ran through
the merry party, and the girls were on their donkeys quickly, not
wishing to be left to bring up the rear. They clattered off. The boys
cried; the thud of sticks was heard; hoofs shuffled through the sand and
stones. In single file the picnickers headed for Helouan, some five
miles distant. And the desert closed up behind them as they went,
following in a shadowy wave that never broke, noiseless, foamless,
unstreaked, driven by no wind, and of a volume undiscoverable. Against
the orange sunset the Pyramids turned deep purple. The strip of silvery
Nile among its palm trees looked like rising mist. In the incredible
Egyptian afterglow the enormous horizons burned a little longer, then
went out. The ball of the earth—a huge round globe that
bulged—curved visibly as at sea. It was no longer a flat espanse; it turned. Its splendid
curves were realised.
‘Better put
wraps on; it’s cold and the sun is low’—and then the curious hurry
to get back among the houses and the haunts of men. No more was said,
perhaps, than this, yet, the time and place being what they were, the
mind became suddenly aware of that quality which ever brings a certain
shrinking with it—vastness; and more than vastness: that which is
endless because it is also beginningless—eternity. A colossal
splendour stole upon the heart; and the senses, unaccustomed to the
unusual stretch, reeled a little, as though the wonder was more than
could be faced with comfort. Not all, doubtless, realised it, though to
two, at least, it came with a staggering impact there was no
withstanding. For, while the luminous greys and purples crept round them
from the sand wastes, the hearts of these two became aware of certain
common things whose simple majesty is usually dulled by mere
familiarity. Neither the man nor the girl knew for certain that the
other felt it, as they brought
up the rear together; yet the fact that each did
feel it set them side by side in the same strange circle—and made
them silent. They realised the immensity of a moment: the dizzy stretch
of time that led up to the casual pinning of a veil, to the tightening
of a stirrup strap, to the little speech with a companion, to the roar
of the vanished centuries that have ground mountains into sand and
spread them over the floor of Africa; above all, to the little truth
that they themselves existed amid the whirl of stupendous systems all
delicately balanced as a spider’s web—that they were alive.
For a moment this
vast scale of reality revealed itself, then bid swiftly again behind the
debris of the obvious. The universe, containing their two tiny yet
important selves, stood still for an instant before their eyes. They
looked at it—realised that they belonged to it. Everything moved and
had its being, lived—here in this silent,
empty desert even more actively than in a city of crowded houses. The
quiet Nile, sighing with age, passed down towards the sea; there loomed
the menacing Pyramids across the twilight; beneath them, in monstrous
dignity, crouched that Shadow from whose eyes of battered stone proceeds
the nameless thing that contracts the heart, then opens it again to
terror; and everywhere, from towering monoliths as from secret tombs,
rose that strange, long whisper which, defying time and distance, laughs
at death. The spell of Egypt, which is the spell of immortality, touched
their hearts.
Already, as the
group of picnickers rode homewards now, the first stars twinkled
overhead, and the peerless Egyptian night was on the way. There was
hurry in the passing of the dusk. And the cold sensibly increased.
‘So you did no
painting after all,’ said Rivers to the girl who rode a little in
front of him, ‘for I never saw you touch your sketch-book once.’
They were some
distance now behind the others; the line straggled; and when no answer
came he quickened his pace, drew up alongside and saw that her eyes, in
the reflection of the sunset, shone with moisture. But she turned her
head a little, smiling into his face, so that the human and the
non-human beauty came over him with an onset that was almost shock.
Neither one nor other, he knew, were long for him, and the realisation
fell upon him with a pant of actual physical pain. The acuteness, the
hopelessness of the realisation, for a moment, were more than he could
bear, stern of temper though he was, and he tried to pass in front of
her, urging his donkey with resounding strokes. Her own animal, however,
following the lead, at once came up with him.
‘You felt it,
perhaps, as I did,’ he said some moments later, his voice quite steady
again. ‘The stupendous, everlasting thing—the—life behind
it all.’ He hesitated a little in his speech, unable to find the
substantive that could compass even a fragment of his thought. She
paused, too, similarly inarticulate before the surge of
incomprehensible feelings.
‘It’s—awful,’
she said, half laughing, yet the tone hushed and a little quaver in it
somewhere. And her voice to him was like the first sound he had ever
heard in the world, for the first sound a full-grown man heard in the
world would be beyond all telling—magical. ‘I shall not try
again,’ she continued, leaving out the laughter this time; ‘my
sketch-book is a farce. For, to tell the truth’—and the next three
words she said below her breath—’I dare not.’
He turned and
looked at her for a second. It seemed to him that the following wave had
caught them up, and was about to break above her too. But the
big-brimmed hat and the streaming veil shrouded her features. He saw,
instead, the Universe. He felt as though he and she had always, always
been together, and always, always would be. Separation was
inconceivable.
‘It came so
close,’ she whispered. ‘It—shook me!’
They were cut off
from their companions, whose voices sounded far ahead. Her words might
have been spoken by the darkness, or by someone who peered at them from
within that following wave. Yet the fanciful phrase was better than any
he could find. From the immeasurable space of time and distance men’s
hearts vainly seek to plumb, it drew into closer perspective a certain
meaning that words may hardly compass, a formidable truth that belongs
to that deep place where hope and doubt fight their incessant battle.
The awe she spoke of was the awe of immortality, of belonging to
something that is endless and beginningless.
And he understood
that the tears and laughter were one—caused by that spell which takes
a little human life and shakes it, as an animal shakes its prey that
later shall feed its blood and increase its power of growth. His other
thoughts—really but a single thought—he had not the right to utter.
Pain this time easily routed hope as the wave came nearer. For it was
the wave of death that would shortly break, he knew, over him, but not
over her. Him it would sweep with its huge withdrawal into the desert
whence it came: her it would leave high upon the shores of life—alone.
And yet the separation would somehow not be real. They were together
in eternity even now. They were endless as this desert, beginningless as
this sky ... immortal. The realisation overwhelmed. ...
The lights of
Helouan seemed to come no nearer as they rode on in silence for the rest
of the way. Against the dark background of the Mokattam Hills these
fairy lights twinkled brightly, hanging in mid-air, but after an hour
they were no closer than before. It was like riding towards the stars.
It would take centuries to reach them. There were centuries in which to
do so. Hurry has no place in the desert; it is born in streets. The
desert stands still; to go fast in it is to go backwards.
Now, in
particular, its enormous, uncanny leisure was everywhere—in keeping
with that mighty scale the sunset had made visible. His thoughts, like
the steps of the weary animal that bore him, had no progress in them.
The serpent of eternity, holding its tail in its own mouth, rose from
the sand, en closing himself, the stars—and her. Behind him, in the
hollows of that shadowy wave, the procession of dynasties and conquests,
the great series of gorgeous civilisations the mind calls Past, stood
still, crowded with shining eyes and beckoning faces, still waiting to
arrive. There is no death in Egypt. His own death stood so close that he
could touch it by stretching out his hand, yet it seemed as much behind
him as in front. What man called a beginning was a trick. There was no
such thing. He was with this girl—now, when Death waited so close for
him—yet he had never really begun. Their lives ran always parallel.
The hand he stretched to clasp approaching death caught instead in
this girl’s shadowy hair, drawing her in with him to the centre where
he breathed the eternity of the desert. Yet expression of any sort was
as futile as it was unnecessary. To paint, to speak, to sing, even the
slightest gesture of the soul, became a crude and foolish thing. Silence
was here the truth. And they rode in silence towards the fairy lights.
Then suddenly the
rocky ground rose up close before them; boulders stood out vividly with
black shadows and shining heads; a flatroofed house slid by; three palm
trees rattled in the evening wind; beyond, a mosque and minaret sailed
upwards, like the spars and rigging of some phantom craft; and the
colonnades of the great modern hotel, standing upon its dome of
limestone ridge, loomed over them. Helouan was about them before they
knew it. The desert lay behind with its huge, arrested billow. Slowly,
owing to its prodigious volume, yet with a speed that merged it
instantly with the far horizon behind the night, this wave now withdrew
a little. There was no hurry. It came, for the moment, no farther.
Rivers knew. For he was in it to the throat. Only his head was above the
surface. He still could breathe—and speak—and see. Deepening with
every hour into an incalculable splendour, it waited.
2
In the street the foremost riders drew rein, and, two and two abreast, the
long line clattered past the shops and cafés, the railway station and
hotels, stared at by the natives from the busy pavements. The donkeys
stumbled, blinded by the electric light. Girls in white dresses flitted
here and there, arabîyehs rattled past with people hurrying home to
dress for dinner, and the evening train, just in from Cairo, disgorged
its stream of passengers. There were dances in several of the hotels
that night. Voices rose on all sides. Questions and answers, engagements
and appointments were made, little plans and plots and intrigues for
seizing happiness on the wing—before the wave rolled in and caught the
lot. They chattered gaily:
‘You are going, aren’t you? You promised—’
‘Of course I
am.’
‘Then I’ll
drive you over. May I call for you?’
‘All right. Come
at ten.’
‘We shan’t
have finished our bridge by then. Say ten-thirty.’
And eyes exchanged
their meaning signals. The group dismounted and dispersed. Arabs
standing under the lebbekh trees, or squatting on the pavements before
their dim-lit booths, watched them with faces of gleaming bronze. Rivers
gave his bridle to a donkey-boy, and moved across stiffly after the long
ride to help the girl dismount. ‘You feel tired?’ he asked gently.
‘It’s been a long day.’ For her face was white as chalk, though
the eyes shone brilliantly.
‘Tired,
perhaps,’ she answered, ‘but exhilarated too. I should like to be
there now. I should like to go back this minute—if someone would take
me.’ And, though she said it lightly, there was a meaning in her voice
he apparently chose to disregard. It was as if she knew his secret.
‘Will you take me—some day soon?’
The direct
question, spoken by those determined little lips, was impossible to
ignore. He looked close into her face as he helped her from the saddle
with a spring that brought her a moment half into his arms. ‘Some
day—soon,’ I will, he said with emphasis; ‘when you
are—ready.’ The pallor in her face, and a certain expression in it
he had not known before, startled him. ‘I think you have been
overdoing it, he added, with a tone in which authority and love were
oddly mingled, neither of them disguised.
‘Like
yourself,’ she smiled, shaking her skirts out and looking down at her
dusty shoes. ‘I’ve only a few days more—before I sail. We’re
both in such a hurry, but you are the worse of the two.’
‘Because my time
is even shorter,’ ran his horrified thought— for he said no word.
She raised her
eyes suddenly to his, with an expression that for an instant almost
convinced him she had guessed—and the soul in him stood rigidly at
attention, urging back the rising fires. The hair dropped loosely round
the sun-burned neck. Her face was level with his shoulder. Even the
glare of the street lights could not make her undesirable. But behind
the gaze of the deep brown eyes another thing looked forth imperatively
into his own. And he recognised it with a rush of terror, yet of
singular exultation.
‘It followed us
all the way,’ she whispered. ‘It came after us from the
desert—where it lives.’
‘At the houses,’ he
said equally low, ‘it stopped,’. He gladly adopted her syncopated
speech, for it helped him in his struggle to subdue those rising fires.
For a second she
hesitated. ‘You mean, if we had not left so soon—when it turned
cold. If we had not hurried—if we had remained a little longer—’
He caught at her
hand, unable to control himself, but dropped it again the same second,
while she made as though she had not noticed, forgiving him with her
eyes. ‘Or a great deal longer,’ she added slowly—‘for ever?’
And then he was
certain that she had guessed—not
that he loved her above all else in the world, for that was so obvious
that a child might know it, but that his silence was due to his other,
lesser secret: that the great Executioner stood waiting to drop the hood
about his eyes. He was already pinioned. Something in her gaze and in
her manner persuaded him suddenly that she understood.
His exhilaration
increased extraordinarily. ‘I mean,’ he said very quietly, ‘that
the spell weakens here among the houses and among the—so-called
living.’ There was masterfulness, triumph, in his voice. Very
wonderfully he saw her smile change; she drew slightly closer to his
side, as though unable to resist. ‘Mingled with lesser things we
should not understand completely,’ he added softly.
‘And that might
be a mistake, you mean?’ she asked quickly, her face grave again.
It was his turn to
hesitate a moment. The breeze stirred the hair about her neck, bringing
its faint perfume—perfume of young life—to his nostrils. He drew his
breath in deeply, smothering back the torrent of rising words he knew
were unpermissible. ‘Misunderstanding,’ he said briefly. ‘If the
eye be single—’ He broke off, shaken by a paroxysm of coughing.
‘You know my meaning,’ he continued, as soon as the attack had
passed; ‘you feel the difference here,’ pointing round him to the hotels, the shops, the busy
stream of people; ‘the hurry, the excitement, the feverish, blinding
child’s play which pretends to be alive, but does not know it—’ And again the coughing stopped him. This time she took his
hand in her own, pressed it very slightly, then released it. He felt it
as the touch of that desert wave upon his soul. ‘The reception must be
in complete and utter resignation. Tainted by lesser things, the
disharmony might be—’ he began stammeringly.
Again there came
interruption, as the rest of the party called impatiently to know if
they were coming up to the hotel. He had not time to find the completing
adjective. Perhaps he could not find it ever. Perhaps it does not exist
in any modern language. Eternity is not realised to-day; men have no
time to know they are alive for ever; they are too busy....
They all moved in
a chattering, merry group towards the big hotel. Rivers and the girl
were separated.
3
There was a dance that evening, but neither of these took part in it. In
the great dining-room their tables were far apart. He could not even see
her across the sea of intervening heads and shoulders. The long meal
over, he went to his room, feeling it imperative to be alone. He did not
read, he did not write; but, leaving the light unlit, he wrapped himself
up and leaned out upon the broad window-sill into the great Egyptian
night. His deep-sunken thoughts, like to the crowding stars, stood
still, yet for ever took new shapes. He tried to see behind them, as,
when a boy, he had tried so see behind the constellations—out into
space—where there is nothing.
Below him the
lights of Helouan twinkled like the Pleiades reflected in a pool of
water; a hum of queer soft noises rose to his ears; but just beyond the
houses the desert stood at attention, the vastest thing he had ever
known, very stern, yet very comforting, with its peace beyond all
comprehension, its delicate, wild terror, and its awful message of
immortality. And the attitude of his mind, though he did not know it,
was one of prayer.... From time to time he went to lie on the bed with
paroxysms of coughing. He had overtaxed his strength—his swiftly
fading strength. The wave had risen to his lips. Nearer forty than
thirty-five, Paul Rivers had come out to Egypt, plainly understanding
that with the greatest care he might last a few weeks longer than if he
stayed in England. A few more times to see the sunset and the sunrise,
to watch the stars, feel the soft airs of earth upon his cheeks; a few
more days of intercourse with his kind, asking and answering
questions, wearing the old, familiar clothes he loved, reading his
favourite pages, and then—out into the big spaces—where there is
nothing.
Yet no one, from
his stalwart, energetic figure, would have guessed—no one but the
expert mind, not to be deceived, to whom in the first attack of
overwhelming despair and desolation he went for final advice. He left
that house, as many had left it before, knowing that soon he would need
no earthly protection of roof and walls, and that his soul, if it
existed, would be shelterless in the space behind all manifested life.
He had looked forward to fame and position in this world; had, in-deed,
already achieved the first step towards his end; and now, with the
vanity of all earthly aims so mercilessly clear before him, he had
turned, in somewhat of a nervous, concentrated hurry, to make terms with
the Infinite while still the brain was there. And had, of course, found
nothing. For it takes a lifetime crowded with experiment and effort to
learn even the alphabet of genuine faith; and what could come of a few
weeks’ wild questioning but confusion and bewilderment of mind? It was
inevitable. He came out to Egypt wondering, thinking, questioning, but
chiefly wondering. He had grown, that is, more childlike, abandoning the
futile tool of Reason, which hitherto had seemed to him the perfect
instrument. Its foolishness stood naked before him in the pitiless
light of the specialist’s decision; for ‘Who can by searching find
out God?’
To be exceedingly
careful of over-exertion was the final warning he brought with him, and
within a few hours of his arrival, three weeks ago, he had met this girl
and utterly disregarded it. He took it somewhat thus: ‘Instead of
lingering I’ll enjoy myself and go out—a little sooner. I’ll live.
The time is very short.’ His was not a nature, anyhow, that could
heed a warning. He could not kneel. Upright and unflinching, he went to
meet things as they came, reckless, unwise, but certainly not afraid.
And this characteristic operated now. He ran to meet Death full tilt in
the uncharted spaces that lay behind the stars. With love for a
companion, he raced, his speed increasing from day to day, she, as he
thought, knowing merely that he sought her, but had not guessed his
darker secret that was now his lesser secret.
And in the desert,
this afternoon of the picnic, the great thing he sped to meet had shown
itself with its familiar touch of appalling cold and shadow: familiar,
because all minds know of and accept it; appalling, because, until
realised close and with the mental power at the full, it remains but a
name the heart refuses to believe in. And he had discovered that its
name was—Life.
Rivers had seen
the wave that sweeps incessant, tireless, but as a rule invisible, round
the great curve of the bulging earth, brushing the nations into the
deeps behind. It had followed him home to the streets and houses of
Helouan. He saw it now, as he leaned from his window, dim and immense,
too huge to break. Its beauty was nameless, undecipherable. His coughing
echoed back from the wall of its great sides.... And the music floated
up at the same time from the ball-room in the opposite wing. The two
sounds mingled. Life, which is love, and Death, which is their
unchanging partner, held hands beneath the stars.
He leaned out
farther to drink in the cool, sweet air. Soon, on this air, his body
would be dust, driven, perhaps, against her very cheek, trodden on
possibly by her little foot—until, in turn, she joined him too, blown
by the same wind loose about the desert. True. Yet at the same time they
would always be together, always somewhere side by side, continuing in
the vast universe, alive. This new, absolute conviction was in him now.
He remembered the curious, sweet perfume in the desert, as of flowers,
where yet no flowers are. It was the perfume of life. But in the desert
there is no life. Living things that grow and move and utter, are but a
protest against death. In the desert they are unnecessary, because death
there is not. Its overwhelming
vitality needs no insolent, visible proof, no protest, no challenge, no
little signs of life. The message of the desert is immortality....
He went finally to
bed, just before midnight. Hovering magnificently just outside his
window, Death watched him while he slept. The wave crept to the level of
his eyes. He called her name....
And downstairs,
meanwhile, the girl, knowing nothing, wondered where he was, wondered
unhappily and restlessly; more—though this she did not
understand—wondered motheringly. Until to-day, on the ride home, and
from their singular conversation together, she had guessed nothing of
his reason for being at Helouan, where so many come in order to find
life. She only knew her own. And she was but twenty-five....
Then, in the
desert, when that touch of unearthly chill had stolen out of the sand
towards sunset, she had realised clearly, astonished she had not seen it
long ago, that this man loved her, yet that something prevented his
obeying the great impulse. In the life of Paul Rivers, whose presence
had profoundly stirred her heart the first time she saw him, there was
some obstacle that held him back, a barrier his honour must respect. He
could never tell her of his love. It could lead to nothing. Knowing that
he was not married, her intuition failed her utterly at first. Then, in
their silence on the homeward ride, the truth had somehow pressed up and
touched her with its hand of ice. In that disjointed conversation at the
end, which reads as it sounded, as though no coherent meaning lay behind
the words, and as though both sought to conceal by speech what yet both
burned to utter, she had divined his darker secret, and knew that it was
the same as her own. She understood then it was Death that had tracked
them from the desert, following with its gigantic shadow from the sandy
wastes. The cold, the darkness, the silence which cannot answer, the
stupendous mystery which is the spell of its inscrutable Presence, had
risen about them in the dusk, and kept them company at a little
distance, until the lights of Helouan had bade it halt. Life which may
not, cannot end, had frightened her.
His time, perhaps,
was even shorter than her own. None knew his secret, since he was alone
in Egypt and was caring for himself. Similarly, since she bravely kept
her terror to herself her companions had no inkling of her own, aware
merely that the disease was in her system and that her orders were to be
extremely cautious. This couple, therefore, shared secretly together the
two clearest glimpses of eternity life has to offer to the soul. Side by
side they looked into the splendid eyes of Love and Death. Life,
moreover, with its instinct for simple and terrific drama, had produced
this majestic climax, breaking with pathos, at the very moment when it
could not be developed—this side of the stars. They stood together
upon the stage, a stage emptied of other human players; the audience had
gone home and the lights were being lowered; no music sounded; the
critics were a-bed. In this great game of Consequences it was known
where he met her, what he said and what she answered, possibly what they
did and even what the world thought. But ‘what the consequence was’
would remain unknown, untold. That would happen in the big spaces of
which the desert in its silence, its motionless serenity, its
shelterless, intolerable vastness, is the perfect symbol. And the desert
gives no answer. It sounds no challenge, for it is complete. Life in the
desert makes no sign. It is.
4
In the hotel that night there arrived by chance a famous International
dancer, whose dahabîyeh lay anchored at San Giovanni, in the Nile
below Heoluan; and this woman, with her party, had come to dine and take
part in the festivities. The news spread. After twelve the lights were
lowered, and while the moonlight flooded the terraces, streaming past
pillar and colonnade, she rendered in the shadowed halls the music of
the Masters, interpreting with an instinctive genius messages which was
eternal and divine.
Among the crowd of enthralled and delighted guests, the girl sat
on the steps and watched her. The rhythmical interpretation held a
power that seemed, in a sense, inspired; there lay in it a certain
unconscious something that was pure, unearthly; something that the
stars, wheeling in stately movements over the sea and desert, know;
something the great winds bring to mountains where they play together;
something the forests capture and fix magically into their gathering of
big and little branches. It was both passionate and spiritual, wild and
tender, intensely human and seductively non-human. For it was original,
taught of Nature, a revelation of naked, unhampered life. It comforted,
as the desert comforts. It brought the desert awe into the stuffy
corridors of the hotel, with the moonlight and the whispering of stars,
yet behind it ever the silence of those grey, mysterious, interminable
spaces which utter to themselves the wordless song of life. For it was
the same dim thing, she felt, that had followed her from the desert
several hours before, halting just outside the streets and houses as
though blocked from further advance; the thing that had stopped her
foolish painting, skilled thought she was, because it hides behind
colour and not in it; the thing that veiled the meaning in the cryptic
sentences she and he had stammered out together; the thing, in a word,
as near as she could approach it by any means of interior expression,
that the realisation of death for the first time makes comprehensible—
Immortality. It was unutterable, but it was.
He and she were indissolubly together. Death was no separation.
There was no death... It was terrible. It was—she had already used the
word—awful, full of awe.
‘In the desert,’ thought whispered, as she watched
spellbound, ‘it is impossible even to conceive of death. The idea is
meaningless. It simply is not.’
The music and the
movement filled the air with life which, being there, must continue
always, and continuing always can have never had a beginning. Death,
therefore, was the great revealer of life. Without it none could realise
that they are alive. Others had discovered this before her, but she did
not know it. In the desert no one can realise death: it is hope and life
that are the only certainty. The entire conception of the Egyptian
system was based on this—the conviction, sure and glorious, of
life’s endless continuation. Their tombs and temples, their pyramids
and sphinxes surviving after thousands of years, defy the passage of
time and laugh at death; the very bodies of their priests and kings, of
their animals even, their fish, their insects, stand to-day as symbols
of their stalwart knowledge.
And this girl, as
she listened to the music and watched the inspired dancing, remembered
it. The message poured into her from many sides, though the desert
brought it clearest. With death peering into her face a few short weeks
ahead, she thought instead of—life. The desert, as it were, became for
her a little fragment of eternity, focused into an intelligible point
for her mind to rest upon with comfort and comprehension. Her steady,
thoughtful nature stirred towards an objective far beyond the small
enclosure of one narrow lifetime. The scale of the desert stretched her
to the grandeur of its own imperial meaning, its divine repose, its
unassailable and everlasting majesty. She looked beyond the wall.
Eternity! That
which is endless; without pause, without beginning, without divisions or
boundaries. The fluttering of her brave yet frightened spirit ceased,
aware with awe of its own everlastingness. The swiftest motion produces
the effect of immobility; excessive light is darkness; size, run loose
into enormity, is the same as the minutely tiny. Similarly, in the
desert, life, too overwhelming and terrific to know limit or
confinement, lies undetailed and stupendous, still as deity, a
revelation of nothingness because it is all. Turned golden beneath its
spell that the music and the rhythm made even more comprehensible, the
soul in her, already lying beneath the shadow of the great wave, sank
into rest and peace, too certain of itself to fear. And panic fled away.
‘I am immortal... because I am. And
what I love is not apart from me. It is myself. We are together
endlessly because we are.’
Yet in reality, though
the big desert brought this, it was Love, which, being of similar
parentage, interpreted its vast meaning to her little heart—that
sudden love which, without a word of preface or explanation, had come to
her a short three weeks before.... She went up to her room soon after
midnight, abruptly, unexpectedly stricken. Someone, it seemed, had
called her name. She passed his door.
The lights had
been turned up. The clamour of praise was loud round the figure of the
weary dancer as she left in a carriage for her dahabîyeh on the Nile. A
low wind whistled round the walls of the great hotel, blowing chill and
bitter between the pillars of the colonnades. The girl heard the voices
float up to her through the night, and once more, behind the confused
sound of the many, she heard her own name called, but more faintly than
before, and from very far away. It came through the spaces beyond her
open window; it died away again; then—but for the sighing of that
bitter wind—silence, the deep silence of the desert.
And these two,
Paul Rivers and the girl, between them merely a floor of that stone that
built the Pyramids, lay a few moments before the Wave of Sleep engulfed
them. And, while they slept, two shadowy forms hovered above the roof of
the quiet hotel, melting presently into one, as dreams stole down from
the desert and the stars. Immortality whispered to them. On either side
rose Life and Death, towering in splendour. Love, joining their
spreading wings, fused the gigantic outlines into one. The figures grew
smaller, comprehensible. They entered the little windows. Above the beds
they paused a moment, watching, waiting, and then, like a wave that is
just about to break, they stooped....
And in the
brilliant Egyptian sunlight of the morning, as she went downstairs, she
passed his door again. She had awakened, but he slept on. He had
preceded her. It was next day she learned his room was vacant.... Within
the month she joined him, and within the year the cool north wind that
sweetens Lower Egypt from the sea blew the dust across the desert as
before. It is the dust of kings, of queens, of priests, princesses,
lovers. It is the dust no earthly power can annihilate. It, too, lasts
for ever. There was a little more of it... the desert’s message
slightly added to: Immortality.